The Joy of Role Reversal

The Joy of Role Reversal
Friday, August 12, 2022 by Leona Choy

The phone rang. Since I wasn't home, the automatic thingy took the message. One of my four sons whose birthday was today left a happy birthday singing message for me “because you are the one who gave me birth, Mom.” That's my boy! (Now a grandfather in his own right.) What a great idea! Birthday celebration reversal! Does that mean when each of them has a birthday, I will eat the cake and receive the presents? Sounds good to me. Better to start a late tradition than never!

I know for a fact that many of my blog post viewers are in the season of life to be struggling with some degree of Role Reversal. If not already, then sooner or later. As I grow older, I'm reminded that it's up to me whether Role Reversal is a Joy or whether I endure it as the Curse of Role Reversal. Most of us dread the time when we lose our independence and become reluctantly dependent on those for whom we suffered birth pains.

They were the helpless ones whose diapers I changed, whose runny noses I wiped, and whom I taught to close their mouths while they chewed. Not all of us have offspring, to be sure, and the Lord takes care of those without progeny in His special ways.

How blessed we are when, as the writer of Proverbs declared about his mom: “her children rise up and call her blessed” (31:28). Let's hope that wasn't just lip service, but that her kids put action where their mouths were when they called their mom blessed.

Why did God feel it necessary to put the instruction to honor one's father and mother in the list of Ten Commandments? My guess is that it was because we are all prone to forget where we came from. When we run the credits, we need to be reminded to be grateful and to honor them. God caboosed a longevity promise at the end of that commandment for our obedience. I have my own litany of regrets to recall that I didn't fully honor my parents in my growing years. Typically, in our teen years we tend to become self-absorbed. I can't remedy my deficiencies now that my parents have passed from the scene.

As a nonagenarian, I'm experiencing the blessing of being the receiver rather than the giver. It's not universally true that it is more blessed to give than to receive, although, it's a difficult mental struggle to be on the receiving end of help. It's something to get used to. It goes against a lifetime of being the caregiver of others, being in control, being strong and in charge. “Weak, fragile, frail, infirm, dependent, helpless” are not words I like to apply to myself. But things are what they are. Human life and strength and ability wind down as it comes nearer the time to launch into the eternal realm.

Throughout Scripture, we see God being especially solicitous to widows and orphans, and the marginalized. I qualify on all three counts. Those of us who are blessed with the accumulation of many calendar years do feel marginalized at times, even while feeling gratitude. Sometimes we feel sidelined from the game of life and restlessly watch life's action going on in the field without our participation. Passing our torch to a forthcoming generation can be traumatic when we've been running a successful race ourselves. Nevertheless, it's inevitable.

In the book of Ecclesiastes, we receive a reality check: “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven.” A majority of the fourteen “...a time to...” couplets in chapter three can apply to the twilight years of human life.

I need a special grace of attitude, humility of heart, and a malleable will to receive what God blesses me to receive in my vintage years—the help of my grown children even for the basic provisions of my life. I need the same virtues to gracefully give up the attachments I have worked so hard all my life to accumulate. God obviously meant that the latter part of life is for gradually detaching myself from the things of temporal life which I have collected, stored, amassed, and stashed. They are, after all, temporary and destructible. I should be more concerned with decreasing and letting go of those things and increasing spiritual treasures to send ahead to God's Storehouse where they will be safely imperishable.

To give credit where credit is due—my four adult sons and their beloved spouses measure up well to the Proverbs 31 kids. They put the honor for their mother into action, especially since my late husband Ted died thirty years ago. I don't mind the wise counsel with which they amply supply me, whether I asked for it or not! They are so generous, attentive, thoughtful, and considerate to give me physical help and temporal provisions to make my advanced years easier. I even accept (a bit reluctantly?) the corrections they offer me—presumably when they think I don't exercise good judgment and “their maturity” kicks in.

They can even criticize my driving if they wish, although I was the one who taught them to drive the family car—now they own and maintain the one they provide for me and pay for the gas. WooHoo! I don't even mind if they grit their teeth while smiling patiently when they are obliged to repeatedly tell me how to do something at my computer.

All in all, I'm delighted to pass my torches on to them, or my batons in life's relay race. Why not? I'm perfectly satisfied to have been there and done that myself in my time. It may be my turn now to be the receiver of help—but sooner than my children think, it will be their turn for torch passing, since their children are growing to adulthood and into their own parenting years.

In fact, I really like this whole idea of the Joy of Role Reversal in my summit years, and with gratitude, I plan to ride that tiger wherever it wants to go!

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Comments

Bill costello From Winchester At 8/15/2022 9:03:37 AM

Thanks again Leona. So insightful.

Miriam Maneevone From San Diego, CA At 8/14/2022 12:13:43 AM

Love this. I am nearly three decades behind you, but little by little the role reversals are beginning. But I’m okay with it. I love your writings. Keep going. You have something you say and say it well. Blesses me every time! God bless you too!